I've been humbled

I have been humbled this week.

I started a blog post several days ago inspired by a conversation I had with someone last weekend. We were talking about relationships (any kind of relationship, not just husband/wife) and how much hard work is involved and how routine and seemingly "meaningless" they can sometimes become. The indication was given - that when you are in not benefiting from the relationship or it  just isn't healthy (whatever that is, I guess based on your own expectations); its time to pull the plug a move on - and its okay to do so. No hurt feelings (supposedly)...

I was very disturbed by this - and spent the next couple days really trying to wrap my head around this concept, my heart was heavy. I try to see relationships - almost completely different. I am to serve, reach out to, encourage, pray for, love more than myself... the people I am in relationships with... and it can be hard work. And sometimes they are not always the most "healthy" relationships - but that doesn't mean you just give up because its too hard.

Please, know that I am in no way saying that if a relationship is abusive or is causing you to sin; you should stick it out; please understand this.  I certainly believe there are definitely reasons for moving on in relationships and there are times when it is, just time. And I trust the Lord will work that out - and grant courage, wisdom and peace in those difficult times. What I am talking about is; to say that being in a relationship with someone - isn't worth it anymore, because it's hard work and doesn't live up to your expectations of health and wellness - hardly seems to be a valid reason for just moving on, no hurt feelings.  I don't think I have had one relationship - that I can honestly think of, that didn't require some work, a sense of dying to self and being a servant.

As I indicated before - I was humbled, while writing my new blog about not giving up on relationships when they are hard & about loving others more than yourself... when a person, who sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable and I find hard to talk to; directed a question to me - which indicated they were disappointed in me and it felt as though they were trying to make me feel guilty about a decision I had made. It made my blood pressure shoot up - and I wanted the conversation to just be over. A little while later, after bursting into tears, I thought, I don't understand why I even try to have a relationship with this person; they make me feel bad about myself. This truly humbled me... as just a few days ago I had been upset by another friends point of view of giving up on relationships when they don't benefit you & are hard - and I thought about how easy it truly is to be tempted to give up on relationships when a person hurts your feelings, is difficult to talk with or you just don't benefit from them.

I am no expert on relationships; and in no way trying to give advice on them or try to tell people what I think they should and shouldn't do - I have fumbled enough that I know I have no merit to stand on. But I was truly humbled by this "blog post interruption"; it caused me to remember to seek the Word. This is where we should always turn when we are having a hard time with knowing what to do and how to feel. I want to tether my heart to God's word and allow it to direct my relationships. :)

I have been asking God to grant me patience and wisdom in doing and saying the right things, not jump to conclusions, and to truly love the people in my life; even those I feel are difficult people; and not just tolerating them. I was also quickly reminded that I can be one of the most difficult people on the planet; and a lot of people have to be patient and bear with me. It is easy to be selfish, desire comfort, be guarded and only seek out those who are easy to talk to or can do something for me. It is hard to die to self, be uncomfortable, give mercy and give to others without an expectation of nothing in return.

May I remember this and guard my heart and mind from thinking too highly of what others do - and remember that the Lord has called me to love the Lord my God, and to serve and love others; above myself.

Here are some passages that I enjoyed reading this last week as I was mulling this over in my heart...

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Luke 6:27-36
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

Matthew 22: 36-39
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Colossians 3: 12-17
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.


Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Whose plan was this anyway?

If you know me - you know that I am a planner - I make lists; and if I happen to do something that isn't on my list - honestly, I have been known to write it on there - just so I can cross it off (dork). 

I do not usually allow myself to enjoy doing something, unless I am as prepared as I think I possibly can be... it really doesn't matter what it is. I want to know what is coming up, what is going to happen, at what time, and I want to know what I should be doing, how I might feel and even think of all the ways I might have to be prepared to be flexible if something .... *gasp*... changes. Yes this applies to most aspects of my life..., for example, I plan two weeks of meals at a time on a certain budget amount; and actually had to calm myself down when I got to the grocery store; plan in hand - only to realize the sale flyer I had used expired the week before. I was ashamed, panic set in... and then I laughed at myself. 

Why do I put myself through so much stress. And, it really requires a lot of energy to try to plan every aspect of my life! It turns out the older I get the more I realize that not only does my life not really look like I had "planned" but, if I look closely, its even better than I had planned. 

No- I do not have three or four children; no -I haven't started running daily, no- I haven't paid off my student loans, no- I haven't written a best selling novel, no - I haven't traveled to Ireland & Spain with my husband... the planned life goes on and on... 

However - I do have the greatest husband God could have ever given me; and while marriage isn't really much like I "planned" (haha) - it has provided a lot more richness than I ever expected. I have been able to listen to the Word preached in several churches all over the country and even online when we weren't at a church home. We have been fortunate to always have housing, food, family that loves us (all over the country) & friends who we can pick up with, even after long amounts of time; without feeling awkward or ashamed for "being very busy"...

If I am honest, not too much in my life has turned out the way I "planned" or had hoped it would. And let me be real honest; thats a really great thing - my life has turned out pretty good so far, if I could just quit planning so much and go enjoy it. 

I do not think its bad to have goals or things you want to accomplish - I just need to remind myself to not always try to plan everything in my life - and enjoy the blessings God has given me and embrace the things He has for me to do. His plan is probably way better than mine anyway... :) 

Assurance of Pardon

This was our assurance of pardon in church today; just wanted to share.


"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for him."  - Isaiah 30:18 (ESV)

Think about such things

Sometimes I just need to remember...

Philippians 4:4-9

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters,

whatever is true,
whatever is noble,
whatever is right,
whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable—
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.

And the God of peace will be with you."

(I split up the verses so I could read it slower & let the words sink in a little more; otherwise I think I just blow through it, & end up reading it as fast as possible; which is not how I should read God's word) 

Several months ago I went through this passage and journaled out according to the Lord; what is true, nobel, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent & praiseworthy in an attempt to work on "changing" my negative and sometimes frustrating view on things... I found it to be a helpful "exercise" and it got me digging into the word of God. I recently re-read it - it reminded me once again to remember the grace of our Lord and seek Him alone; not the things and view of this world.

Brokenness

Brokenness.

I looked up some definitions for the word broken : not functioning properly; out of working order; fragment or incomplete; weakened in strength; reduced to submission; fractured...

I have been thinking about brokenness lately. Like I said in my last post; there have been times lately I have found myself just feeling completely undone recently. Getting anxious and not running to the Lord in prayer with everything that has been burdening my heart. I have been feeling like a failure; broken. But I struggle with wanting to be someone extraordinary.

Life here on Earth is hard. I must make choices about what to spend my money on, what to wear, what to think, what to say, what to do with my time, who to spend my time with... and I feel like I am making a lot of wrong decisions - and struggle with feeling like I am a failure, like people are judging me, like I am being laughed at, because I am broken. Not perfect.

Daily I feel messages around me from society and from within; telling me “pick yourself up by your boot straps”; “hurry up and succeed already, you slacker”... “you are nothing without.... the right body, the right clothes, the right hair, the right house, the right home decor, the right car, the right friends, the right family, the right church, the right tone of voice, the right thoughts, the right meal made from scratch, the right thing to say................ (on, & on, & on)”.

Do you know this train of thought? Ya know the “I will wear a mask to fool the world and hopefully myself; into thinking that I have it all under control and that I am just fine” ... It kinda feels like the whole... Yeah, I will go to the gym once I am in shape; because I do not want the people at the gym to see I am overweight and that I need to be here... Guess what, I cannot be in the world like that. I am not perfect; and probably never will be this side of heaven - because I am broken. I must admit that I am broken. I am trying to learn that it is okay to be broken. Its okay to take off the mask. Not perfect.

I want to be clear, I am not saying the answer is to rip the mask off proudly and become a victim of society or sin and become angry at the world for its high expectations and high demands for perfection. I am just trying to embrace brokenness and see it for what it is; and seek the Lord through my brokenness.

Although painful, I am thankful for brokenness... it has made me look outside myself; taking the attention off myself. It has made me realize that I have been placing too much importance on trying to be perfect and dwelling on all the things I do imperfectly; rather than living my life for the glory of God and living out His will; not mine. I am thankful that I have felt a tug on my heart to turn to my Creator and believe Him. What glory do I bring my Lord when I do not even recognize all He has done for me; never mind thank Him for it? How am I able to serve others and display God's mercy and grace when I am always trying so hard to hold it together and be perfect?

So, I continue to pray that the Lord will press upon my heart and keep reminding me that even though I am broken, He has restored me; He can use me for His glory and for His will; not mine. That while life here on Earth is hard - it isn't about me. It doesn’t matter if I have the perfect (or as the case may be, an imperfect) body, house, relationships, car, thoughts, words & its even okay if the meal I spent hours working on is dry... Sure, I think its perfectly fine to exercise, decorate the house, work on relationships, buy a newer car, try to think better and say nice things; and feel good about making a nice meal. But, I am feeling challenged to examine at what cost. What is more important? Is it more important for me to continue to try to be extraordinary for my own goals or to release the my heavy burden and believe God to be in control? 

I pray that I will release my grip on this idol of hoping to be perfect, recognize it is okay to be broken; and look to the one who is perfect; putting first things first and look to Him. Caring more about what He is asking me to do and obeying His will. And believing that He is the one who will sustain me. I am comforted by His grace. 

Romans 8:18-39

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 

         As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Giving it up

There have been many times lately I have felt myself just feeling completely undone. Becoming anxious and starting to worry about anything I think about... But I have been trying to remember to carry everything to God in prayer. Whether its worry about being who God wants me to be, paying the mortgage, eating the right food, sleeping enough, being a good friend - you name it... I should be carrying it all to God in prayer. Trusting his mercy and grace to be all I need here on Earth and to let go of the burdens that have been taking over my heart.
______________________

What A Friend We Have in Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge,
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you;
you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to
Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there
will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship
will be our sweet portion there.

Happy New Year!

Welcome 2012!

Generally, I am not one of those people who looks forward to a new year with anticipation - like magically things will be much different than yesterday, because I said so and that I have the super will power to make it so. And honestly I tend to cringe when I hear people go on and on about their resolutions and all the new beginnings they are looking forward to making happen!

However to my chagrin, I feel myself kind of being one of those people this year...  :)

I feel myself very much looking forward to this new year! I really do not know what I am expecting to happen this year. Like most people during this time of year I would love to resolve to weigh less, eat less, sleep more, & love more! But for some reason - I am filled with great hope that this coming year is going to be filled with blessing & peace....  simply because I know that God provides grace for me to do exactly what He has in front of me to do. I know it won't always be easy and I am sure there will be difficulty and hardship, as well as joy, comfort and laughter.

As I look into this new year - I want to remember that I am not alone. That God is in control; even on the days when I shake my fist at Him for unanswered prayer or simply saying no to my prayers. I pray that I am able to submit humbly to God and ask for forgiveness for my unbelief and self righteousness and anger. I hope that I will not be blind to the blessings and mercies that He grants and that I may find comfort in God alone. And I pray that am able to extend hope and grace to others on a daily basis as I strive to peacefully embrace this new year, whatever may come.

I wanted to leave some passages of Scripture that have really been on my heart the last few days and even as we were in church this morning.

Psalm 51 

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
   according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
   blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
   and cleanse me from my sin.

 ³ For I know my transgressions,
   and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
   and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
   and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
   sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
   you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

 ⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
   wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
   and blot out all my iniquity.

 ¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

 ¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
   so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
   you who are God my Savior,
   and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
   and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
   you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
   a broken and contrite heart
   you, God, will not despise.

 ¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
   to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
   in burnt offerings offered whole;
   then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Numbers 6:24-26

“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”


Happy New Year! 
Blessings, 
Missy