If you know me personally; you know that I have struggled with my weight my whole life. In fact, I have been considered morbidly obese most of my adult life. This has been a great source of pain and shame for me. It is not something I can hide from others - its out there for everyone to see.
In the last 4-5 years I have lost about 70 pounds. By changing my diet, exercising and way of thinking about being fit and giving it to the Lord. It certainly isn't at the speed of some reality television shows - and it has stalled a little at times; with several set backs that have required U-turns as well as some rest for two different injuries.
I have started eating less food and healthier food. Which at times is challenging both the cooking part as well as the budget part. But we have made it work; and I am thankful we are able to buy healthy food on a weekly basis.
I have started exercising - regularly; and hard. I think I used to (and still struggle with it) think that I can't exercise too hard. That I would hurt myself or cause myself to have a heart attack. But I have found that I really benefit the most from a hard workout that causes me to sweat and gets me out doors. Gone are the days of being afraid of what people think about a heavy girl outside working out. This I am truly thankful for.
I have also been giving this issue to the Lord. This might seem kind of weird - as I used to think I shouldn't have to pray to the Lord for help with eating and exercising; right. Thats weird. But its true. I have had to come to the point of recognizing that my behavior was in fact sinful. I have had to ask the Lord to forgive my unhealthy desires for food, for letting it become an idol. I have had to ask the Lord to forgive my desire to be idle and my entitled attitude towards being allowed to relax (with a bowl of ice cream and an episode of Golden Girls). I have felt His mercy upon me as I have brought these issues to him; and not let them stay deep in my soul - tugging my heart.
But I wanted to share, that something happened this last week that I have not been able to do in about 8 years. I purchased a new pair of jeans in the regular sized missies department, not the "woman" (aka, plus size) department! This might not sound like a huge deal to some - and I assume that if you have never been in a position where the size you need is not even sold in stores; it might be difficult to know how very exciting this is! I remember when I needed to purchase some new pants - and I went to the fat girl store; and they didn't sell the size I needed in the store... I had to purchase them online. I remember thinking- I wonder if I will ever be able to purchase pants in a regular sized store again. I always hoped I would, but lacked the hope and confidence that the work I have put in just wasn't enough... so this was a big week for me! It gave me hope and encouragement.
I still have a long way to go as far as weight loss; I still have not achieved my desire of being fit enough (as well as light enough) to run daily; and I still love ice cream, cream & sugar in my coffee, and popcorn... and I still struggle with asking the Lord to help me in this area of my life. But I am thankful that over the last few years the Lord has helped me accomplished some goals and that when I step back I can see that I have made some significant progress in regards to getting in shape. For this I am truly thankful!
Its easy for me to assume that nothing is happening - since I am so driven by desiring to see & have instant results. But day in and day out I am finding that even small accomplishments can keep you on track... and this week proved to me, that while it may be slower than I would like or society would say proves I am dedicated - I am on a weight loss journey... and I am filled with hope that I can accomplish getting in shape... one day at a time; and with the Lords help.
I found this passage encouraging as I struggle with sin; even my sin of overeating and desire to be idle.
Hebrews 12:1-13
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
