When I revealed to my old co-workers during lunch that I would be resigning and moving back to New England (this had been a long and difficult process for me and my husband) there was a lot of excitement in the room from everyone! Until I was asked by a particular co-worker...
“What will you be doing for work?” she seemed to ask accusingly.
Sheepishly, I replied “ I won’t have to go to work.” I was feeling so blessed that I would get to be a stay at home wife; and hopefully a stay at home mother (almost everyone knows we have struggled with infertility for about 5 years at that point) ...
I still have a hard time forgetting my co-workers response...
“Ugh, I hate you” she said
My heart sank.
I felt shame.
If I remember right, this co-worker was about 5 years younger than me, was about 2 years out of college; had been married about 1 year; and had been trying to get pregnant for a few months, without success - and I remember hearing her complain and sigh about how she was never going to get pregnant and would tell the whole office she drank wine because, thats right, she wasn’t pregnant, again! sigh... She complained about her husband and how he would never be done with graduate school and she would never get to be a stay at home mom. When I got a newer car (the nicest car I have ever had, and it wasn’t “new” ) she complained that she couldn’t believe I had one and she ended up getting a new car a few weeks later.
It really made me so mad to hear her complain about her life and how imperfect everything was, especially when she would compare it to me - and whine about how everything was “working out” for me and not for her. I felt like I was watching an adult throwing a temper tantrum...
I never knew how to respond and I felt bad for her, I felt bad about myself around her, and I felt shame about any successes I might have shared with her.
I wanted to be her friend; but I always felt prickly around her.
*****
I have been reflecting on this lately; because I have had a rough month of disappointments... and I was thinking about my reactions and how they might be affecting others around me.
Do I throw adult temper tantrums?
How do others see me when I do?
How do I make them feel?
And most importantly; how does it reflect Christ when I throw a tantrum?
I imagine most people see their life; and it really doesn’t reflect what they thought their life would look like.
When I think back to my co-worker and I hear her say she hates me... what I am hearing is that she is mad my life (from her perspective) is turning out better than hers.
The truth is; I struggle with comparing my life to someone else's and being upset and jealous of them. I make the assumption their life is so much prettier and easier. I wonder how many times in my heart I have hated someone because, from my perspective, their life is turing out better than mine.
As a Christian, I believe God is in control. I believe He is good; and therefore nothing He gives or takes away is “bad”. I could write a huge list of things with my life I complain about- both publicly and inwardly for only myself to hear. However, my goal here today - is to talk about how to counter this attitude.
I think the best thing I can do to counter this attitude is to take it to God.
Take it to God first... when I am sad, confused, frustrated, worried, ... whatever... take it to God first. It is almost always my nature to complain to my husband, call my mom, tell a friend... to seek counsel (& empathy) from those I hold in high esteem; throw a tantrum!
I should get on my knees, take it to God first and find out what God’s word says about this, before I react emotionally and involve others. Find out what is true. This will not only build my relationship with God; but it will help shape my heart and thoughts towards what God finds important.
Learning what is true will help me live my life in a loving and honoring way to God, myself and others.
So, even though being told you are hated hurts a lot; I am humbled by my former co-workers reaction... it was an honest reflection of what I feel so many times when I see others who’s life seems to be “working out” so much better than mine.
As I ask myself, what is true... I remember God is good; and His ways are much better than mine! My goal in life is to glorify God and enjoy Him (and His will for my life) forever... regardless of the circumstances. The struggles and the joys. I aim to reflect God’s glory, grace and mercy to others - by sharing what He has done, what is good and being content no matter the circumstances. From a woodchuck eating all my peas to a long journey of infertility. Show God’s grace and be content no matter the circumstances.
I want to try to remember ... what do my tantrums say about what I believe? What do the words I say and actions I display, say about who I think is in control? How do I make others feel when I talk about my life or theirs? Is God glorified or mocked by my words and actions?
In closing I want to leave you with a couple verses for reflection and rejoice with my former co-worker, who is now a stay at home mother of two, while her husband is done with graduate school and working. :)
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"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" Ephesians 4:29
"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" Romans 12:15
"We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." 2 Corinthians 6:3-10
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